So school has been back in session for three weeks now, and I have to say that I feel somewhat discouraged. My brain feels like its leaking. I attend all my classes, do all my work, and keep up with my reading and I still feel like I know nothing, understand nothing and retain nothing. My first exam of the term is Friday and it’s in Pathophysiology. I was a bio major in undergrad, this is stuff that should be at least a little familiar, and yet the details escape me. The worst part is that when I share my feelings with friends in my class, they all smile at me like I’m exaggerating, like I really know everything, or I’m just being dramatic. The truth is I am genuinely worried that this semester is going to kick my butt. I don’t understand Pathophysiology. Fundamentals of Clinical Medicine is taught by a series of foreign guest lecturers who have extremely heavy accents. Behavioral Medicine is taught by a nice old man who digresses about his time working in STD clinics in NYC, but has yet to teach us anything about psychiatry, and there is no text book for the course so we have no other place to get information. Diagnostic Methods is the only class that I feel remotely comfortable in, but it’s worth the fewest credits. And starting next week we begin the first part of our board exam clinical testing, which means if I don’t pass those tests I‘m not allowed to practice medicine. I’m spending 30 hours a week in class, and another 15 in the breaks between lectures and the commute, and I’m still studying when I get home. I’m tired even when I get enough sleep. I have no social life. I’m not getting to enjoy summer. In short I’m freaking out a little.
